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The Well-Grounded Yuppie

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Mayor Of The Friend Zone

I just watched a clip of an old episode of "Friends", and it was about Ross and Joey, talking about Rachel.

Joey: It's never gonna happen.
Ross: What?
Joey: You and Rachel.
Ross: What? (pause) Why not?
Joey: Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone.
Ross: No, no, no. I'm not in the zone.
Joey: Ross, you're mayor of the zone.

This is a joke that I always reference to with my friend Matt, when talking about "dating strategies", and we can't just "mayor it up".

Here's a paragraph from Wikipedia:

The friend zone is a folk psychology concept found in many texts geared towards a male audience about "dating advice", or "seduction advice". In that case, that man would be mentally categorized as a "friend" rather than a lover, i.e. put into the friend zone.

A woman does not easily change her mind and become sexually attracted to a man she has already placed in her friend zone. This is said to be very different from how a male's mind works, and as a result leads to a string of false expectations on the part of the man. It is not impossible to get out of the friend zone as it is stated in many texts.

Here's a paragraph from a friend's AIM profile:

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, "You're a really nice guy, but I don't like you in that way." This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, "You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Open question for all to vote on: If after date 2 or 3, the girl still backs off when the guy makes his "advances", such as turning away when the guy attempts to kiss them, etc, what should the guy do?

1. Keep "mayoring it up", and keep her as a "female friend" and reap the benefits of having a female friend, such as getting girls' perspective on things, fashion advice when you're buying new jacket, etc
2. Drop her, end it with "Sure, give me a call if you'd like to get together sometime". If she isn't into you enough, chances are, she won't call you, she'll just forget about you unless you call her.
3. Try a different "technique", such as a more romantic spot, different type of alcohol, etc, hoping to change your luck.


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